An Open Letter to Myself

An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Megan,

You already know this, but sometimes you forget it, so I’ll say it: I’m proud of you. Last month marked your 24th year of inhabiting Planet Earth, and there have been plenty of times you didn’t think you’d make it this far. Some of the reasons have been silly or overexaggerated by your mind, which melted away with some sleep. And some of them have been far more serious, which left you feeling like the remains of a piñata that only mattered when it had something to offer. But the important thing is that you’re here right now and you’re investing time into building the life you want to live.

For the majority of your life, the words “not thinking” could only be applied to you when indicating self-doubt or the absence of a particular thought; you were “not thinking” you were capable of something, or you were “not thinking” about your household chore list because you were preoccupied with calculating the meaning of life. There was never a time that your mind rested… or that you did.

You’ve let yourself live an exhausting existence. And despite recognizing all of the feasible ways to alter this reality, you crawled back to bed every night and traded your sleep for another day’s worth of self-deprecation. Without ever intending to, you let yourself think and think and overthink yourself into mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion.

I’ve been by your side for 24 years. I’ve watched you learn, I’ve watched you grow, I’ve watched you genuinely smile and make others smile. But, too, I’ve seen you lose touch with your passions in order to avoid disappointing others, I’ve seen you melt under pressure because you had nothing left to hold yourself up with, and I’ve watched your sad, empty eyes staring out into a world that once inspired you.

It’s been heartbreaking to witness these hints of a demise, and I could have chosen to walk away from it – but, Megan, you stuck through everything. Even at your lowest points, you never gave up, and you never even humored the idea of doing so. You had hope and you knew you had a purpose in this life.

Sometimes it’s difficult to admit to ourselves that we are not alone in our struggles. Of course, we’d all prefer to downplay them. But when we admit our struggles (or nagging thoughts or agonizing fears) to others and welcome their love and support into our lives, we realize that they just needed to know how (and in what direction) to nudge us. You have boundless love and support all around you, and it’s there so that you can struggle and can find your way in life without having to hide who you are.

Now, if there is anything that I can be confident in, it’s that you are exactly who you are meant to be, and it’s time for you to let that world-exploring, people-loving, quirky-to-no-end character of yours shine. Take this blog and use it to express yourself without fear, without shame, without remorse, and most important of all, with love and passion.

You’ve started other blogs and writing endeavors in the past, but they were born as “creative outlets” to more sanely endure other parts of life. Restless Meg is not a “creative outlet.” Restless Meg is your lifeLet this blog (and your honest expression of yourself) be a positive force and inspiration in the lives of others. Or, if nothing else, let it be your way of showing them that their love and support has empowered you to live fully and fearlessly.

Always remember who you are, and always inspire others to do the same for themselves. There is no limit to the happiness that comes from living a bold and genuine life. Game on.

 

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